dekedangle_rpfanon | #23 — Brown Goes Down

#23 — Brown Goes Down

This is the twenty-third post of Deke Dangle RPF Anon, a community for all your ice hockey anon meme needs.

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Yet another article on Brent Burns! I can't complain, though, they all have weird and funny shit in them.

http://www.si.com/nhl/2016/05/06/brent-burns-san-jose-sharks-fun-things-to-know

My favorite story may be that he likes wrestling so much that he sneak-attacks teammates at random opportunities, including right after they open their doors to him. Or that he bought one of those white murder vans I assume used, probably off craigslist, and had to take the disco ball and fog machine out so there would be room for all his camping shit. Idk, there are lots of options. He's definitely an interesting guy.

Everything I read about Brent Burns makes me wish I could hang out with him for a day. I love that he bought his first snakes because he wanted to get over his fear and then he ended up with 300 of them, haha.

Wow, Sports Illustrated's website is spectacularly un-userfriendly. If I zoom the page enough for the text to actually be readable for me, the scrollbar disappears entirely. Good one, web designers. Good one.

“People see him and think there’s some crazy guy. I’ve got six guys in the Hockey Hall of Fame, and by far he is the most colorful, unique individual I’ve ever dealt with. And I’ve had incredible clients. He reads things. It’s not like he flies off the handle. Who sits and reads? I went back with him to Slovakia to look at Marian Gaborik’s hockey rink. He’s going 120 miles an hour. Burnsie is reading a Harry Potter book. I look at him. ‘Burnsie, are you f---ing kidding me?’ ‘What’s the big deal?’ he says."

Brent Burns: considered a weirdo by his agent because he reads.

That part was utterly incomprehensible to me. I thought for sure I misunderstood and he was reading while doing something that should have had his full attention, but the sentence construction doesn't really imply that. The man dresses like a cartoon, kept his own zoo, and randomly tackles people, and the anecdote the agent went with was Burns reading one time? Weird shit.

IDK. If I was in a car with somebody who is not a professional driver going 120 mph, I would not be reading. Holding on tightly, possibly screaming, probably crying, but not reading.

I'm not even sure that sentence is saying he was driving.

na - yeah I was stuck between a metaphorical 120mph on skates and a literal 120mph maybe on a train? What's the Slovakian high speed rail situation? Was Burns at worlds last year?

Also, so many questions, because I think that agent would be one of the professional connections I'd select based on their ability to speak precisely and specifically.

According to the author, Burns was in the backseat while Gaborik was driving.
https://twitter.com/alex_prewitt/status/728267697444802562

That makes a lot of sense. Wtf, why are you reading calmly at a time like that.

One time in college I was chilling on my phone, reclined, and unbuckled in the backseat of a BMW, and I did not know how fast it was going the freeway until we got back to campus and my friend asked, "Were you awake when we were going 100 mph?" Like, I was! And I was in danger! Holy shit! Like, my car back home got angry when I got near 70, how were we going 100???

TL;DR- nice cars are nice and do not make the danger you are in as obvious.

Those cars are also better designed for performance. My car makes me nervous when I go faster than 85mph but it's a dinky little sedan.

I can say from personal experience that going 120 mph in a Honda Civic is a) possible and b) ill-advised, as the car will start shaking. So, yeah, I think car quality matters.

Yes, but at least the ??? About Burns reading makes sense now

I just wish I could read in cars at all. Or trains. Or planes during the slightest turbulence. Fucking motion sickness. I am really not looking forward to the self-driving car revolution. I won't be able to use that time to do a damn thing.

I can't read in planes at all (cars are more hit-or-miss) and people look at me like I'm crazy.

Ayrt

I take a prophylactic dramamine 30 minutes before boarding a plane (because take-off is one of the worst parts for me, nausea-wise), which is probably why I can read on them at all.

planes and trains are ok for me because the motion is pretty steady (unless there's turbulence ofc) but I can't even glance down at my phone in the back of a car or an uber, it makes me instantly nauseous. I usually drive in city traffic though which is jerky as hell.

The jerkieness (is this even a word?) Is a key factor for me as well, which is why when a friend drives long distance on an almost empty highway at 200 km/h I have no problem reading at all, same for when traveling by bus/train/plane and it's a set speed for a while. Meanwhile, trying to read in city traffic or when there's lots of traffic will make me nauseous almost instantly.

Re: Hockey Articles/Media

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-08 21:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hockey Articles/Media

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-08 21:28 (UTC) - Expand

I can't read on them or use my phone (a minute of fb brings nausea for an hour), but a while ago I was reading a great fic on my e-reader while waiting for my bus and just couldn't stop reading when the bus arrived, so I decided to read as long as I could and just try to live south the nausea. And it never came. So strange, so appreciated! Traveling just became so much more fun after 30 years of boredom/nausea.

SA

I mean, I still feel sick if reading moral books or using my phone, it's just the e reader that makes it possible to read. Can't understand why.

Re: Hockey Articles/Media

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-08 21:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Hockey Articles/Media

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-08 22:28 (UTC) - Expand

Nap?

Also, Gaborik is a huge Formula One fan and had a professional race simulator installed in his Minnesota residence, so if anyone has the car and know-how to make a ride smooth, it would be him.

Speaking as someone who's from a country where it's sometimes allowed to drive as fast as you like, it's not really that hard if it's the right circumstances and I'd for sure not compare it to professional racing.

I think a lot of people are from places where the roads are actually not built to go any faster than 60ish mph and the cars can't handle it either.

Re: Hockey Articles/Media

(Anonymous) - 2016-05-10 00:26 (UTC) - Expand

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