dekedangle_rpfanon | #29 – Lay, Lie, or Laine?

This is the twenty-ninth post of Deke Dangle RPF Anon, a community for all your ice hockey anon meme needs.

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I really want to write petty shitfic wherein Marner's the big dominant one in a pairing with like, idk, Johnny Gaudreau and also Marner is maybe an unpleasant hyper-masculine uber-bro.

You'd get a kudos from me, assuming it's anything above "And then Rey slam dunked Kylo Ren into the trash."

lol, I'd like to see it, and I'd be petty right along with you and hope it annoys his fangirls.

How did the opposite become the predominant fandom interpretation? I don't follow the Leafs and I'm not on Tumblr, but everything I can get about this guy from regular old sources is telling me that your 'troll' is probably more on target. Was it BNFs?

It's because he's touching his teammates. #revolutionary

For real though, I think it's because he gets called undersized and we all know there's only one characterisation for that ('smol'...)

probably.

(nonnie who was "can we ban anything saying marner's 'deconstructing masculinity' unless he at least pulls a q-league move and celly kisses somebody with tongue and with absolutely no "no homo" on anybody's part?" earlier in this thread. this topic makes me endlessly cranky and i would adore the trollfic.)

like please, kreider and talbot used to literally have a hashtag when they were rangers together (#kissesforcam is a real although obviously not recent twitter hashtag), skjei and vesey are on record as "yeah we slept together", almost everybody hugs goalies foligno and bobrovsky just happen to have (possibly) the cutest montages for them, the blues' twitter basically ships Edmundson/Fabbri, blah blah blah. it's not like teammate cuddles are revolutionary, and although i don't follow the leafs i don't even think marner's necessarily much cuddlier than average.

also, marner's technically smaller than average for a forward, yeah, but not by a ridiculous margin unless his stats are *really* inflated (5'11ish, 170ish according to wiki. which i find amusing since that means *i* outweigh him by a few pounds. 'smol' people are falling down on the "stuff our favorites" front clearly.)

I feel like it's fair to say he's at least average to above average in terms of enjoying a cuddle based on that interview with him and Strome plus the vacation spooning snapchats with Matt Martin, but yeah it's 100% ridiculous to characterize hockey bro behaviour like that as unusually ~soft~. Hes actually probably close to 6' at this point just based on people I've seen him stan

Well, that was an epic using my phone to reply fail.

I was going to say, based on photos he seems a touch taller than Nylander now. He's really only "smol" on the sense that he looks really, really skinny particularly in the face and arms.

ayrt

i might have seen the pics with martin, but i don't remember the interview (i try not to research marner besides fandom osmosis. part of why he annoys me is i don't care for him as a person but there's easy narrative hooks there and sometimes that makes the *writer* bit of me interested.)

i find it more surprising by now when hockey dudes *aren't* cuddly at least sometimes, even really really so by non-hockey-bro standards (and hell, i think my "omg HE said THAT?" meter got broken by ryan suter of all the dudes saying "i love him" about shea weber in a relatively recent espn interview). so cuddles don't generally make me think anything besides "must they" if i hate one/both or "aww...." if they're dudes i can at least stand. they're active ship fuel if i already had *feelings* but i think most people in the fandom would probably agree with that.

+1

I want to write fic where Matthews is dating someone else and Marner is the token homophobe on the team.

Please do, I would be genuinely interested in that fic.

It's so tempting. Any ideas on who to ship Matthews with? I only knew stuff about Leafs players during the Bozak/Kessel height.

kadri has a cute shelter kitteh which automatically makes him about + 3.6 cuter to me, but i have no idea if he's been cute with matthews at any point.

The cute kitten has to make an appearance now.

https://www.instagram.com/jazzykadri/?hl=en

For inspiration.

i forgot both how adorable jazzy is (i was wrong, she is more than + 3.6 cuteness) and that yeah, kadri's *baseline* was pretty damn hot even without throwing in a cute rescue kitteh (and if he's the one running her instagram, at least some sense of humor based on a lot of the captions.)

in other words, yeah, kadri fic is a thing i now really want and i think i'm going to go read the one with him and lupul. (it has some issues, but it also has things that work for me, i can deal.)

na

I think at least one other person is running that account, because I remember it updating right before one of the Caps/Leafs overtime periods and thinking, "Nazem, why are you updating Instagram from the locker room?" *facepalm* I am not a smart woman.

Almost all player pet instas are run by their wife/girlfriend so that's probably who it is.

Nylander or Hyman might be a good idea if you want to go for Leafs. Alternately, I love the other nonny's suggestion of Kadri, mostly because I think Kadri's hot.

Matthews and Marner are a part of a massive rookie class for the Leafs, any of them would make sense.

If you don't mind cross team matthews and werenski have some good material http://www.dispatch.com/sports/20170322/blue-jackets--leafs-matthews-jackets-werenski-develop-bond-as-star-rookies

pretty please? (any thoughts about who with? my first was tkakchuk, but only because the "love triangle offense" interview and because i liked the wingfic a nonnie recced where reality *really* warps and auston gets drafted by the coyotes instead and they're endgame.)

http://phillymyers.tumblr.com/post/148370553453/huggin-it-out-x

http://i.imgur.com/718QUtB.jpg

Seconding Tkachuck, they go way back with the usntdp.

*there's one ig pic where Matthews is bascally sitting in Tkachuck's lap on a playground slide but I can't find it now*

#29 – Lay, Lie, or Laine?

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