dekedangle_rpfanon | #26 — Vanek! with a Jurco

#26 — Vanek! with a Jurco

This is the twenty-sixth post of Deke Dangle RPF Anon, a community for all your ice hockey anon meme needs.

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AYRT

Kudos, nonny. Kudos.

AYRT

There would definitely be people who would say the special effects weren't that good, especially since it'd be filmed on a iPhone or something.

Force the transformation with witnesses, and they're all famewhores lying to sell their money. Or mass hysteria. Or on drugs. Or it's a David Copperfield-style magic trick. Or it's an old stale joke and when are these "witnesses" going to give up the werebeaver thing already.

Be honest, nonny, If someone, right now, today, posted video proof on youtube that Crosby was a werebeaver, would you think "OMG, Crosby is a werebeaver" or would you think, "heh, funny gag, I wonder how the World Cup oif Hockey PR team came up with that idea and whose job it was to talk Crosby into filming it?"

ayrt

If I saw it on video, probably not. If I saw it with my own two eyes? That might be different. Also, if there were 50 iphone videos as well as an NBC broadcast, that would be a massive and very expensive prank to pull. And then you'd have experts verifying footage and sticking the werebeaver full of needles and observing him on the full moon.

also crosby could never be a werebeaver he is not awesome enough to build dams that literally change the landscape and provide water sources for other animals but are also waterproof inside and also to dig canals at the bottom of lakes that change waterflow patterns beavers are so cool

Jesus, you can suck the fun out of a light-hearted conversation fast. It ~should follow~ that since werewolf hunting and origin stories are, ya kno, pretty central to were-canon, that my comment really shouldn't have stretched your imagination to the breaking point.

But more than you needing to loosen up with your strict parameters of what exactly is being discussed, I really, truly do not need to be condescended at over the colonial implications of werebeavers. Unless you want to talk about why your view of hockey is so whitewashed that you can't think of any connections between hockey players in general and victims of colonialism.

6 I want a team Europe/ team NA final just because it'd be funny. Other than that i'm pretty meh on it.

AYRT

And then you'd have experts verifying footage and sticking the werebeaver full of needles and observing him on the full moon.

No, you wouldn't. It's not like people tried to stick needles in David Copperfield after he made the statue of liberty disappear. And even if you have people trying to verify the footage, so what? Are you old enough to remember "Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction" airing on national television? But also, to return to the original point, that's so cliche and overdone. I still say the only way it would work to have secret government types wanting to poke a werebeaver with needles would be as goofy crack. Or as an established relationship fic, where you just personally don't want your lover to know for some reason. Like, say, your lover is a werebear and, as everyone knows, bears prey on beavers.

Who do you think *would* make a good werebeaver? I don't really get why Canada is associated with beavers anyway, since they're found all over the US, too.

Unless you want to talk about why your view of hockey is so whitewashed that you can't think of any connections between hockey players in general and victims of colonialism

Yeah, the problem is definitely that my view of hockey is whitewashed.. when "hockey players in general" are overwhelmingly white, and the whole beaver convo started as a hypothetical generalizing of Canadian hockey players... and my whole point is that I don't find colonialism an appropriate subject for generalizing, not when that general category includes a tiny number of victims of colonialism and a disproportionate huge number of beneficiaries of it. Tell me, what are the connections between "hockey players in general" and victims of colonialism?

I also like how I'm sucking the fun of the conversation by being so absurd as the bring up the colonial implications of werebeavers, of all things... when you were the one who brought the oh so lighthearted subject of colonialism into the fun werebeaver conversation to begin with by suggesting we contemplate the implications of werebeavers on a real life history of colonialism??

ayrt

I think a werebeaver could be concerned about being stuck with needles, yes. I don't think you need full-out crack for them to be concerned about being discovered and what that might mean for them. If discovering you're a real werebeaver is something that can happen -- presumably true of actual werebeavers -- I don't think you'd go "eh, no one would believe it." And again, real live eye witnesses.

Holtby, because he's a hairy dude with a beastie nickname and half his interviews are about keeping his zen, and obviously he's done a lot of mental training to keep control of his inner beaver. I'd also accept PK Subban, because he's fun. Brent Burns wouldn't mind being a werebeaver that much, but he would mind being a werehuman. The other beavers would never accept someone missing so many important teeth.

sa

Also, speaking of condescending, it should have been clear that nothing about the ~~were-canon was stretching my oh-so-feeble imagination to the breaking point. I was trying to be polite in expressing my astonishment at your wanting to imagine a fanfic au history where werebeavers are the victims of colonialism. And yeah, you were definitely thinking specifically and exclusively of First Nations players when you said... "hockey players in general"? Ok.

What an incredibly twisted use of """"anti-racist"""" logic to use an accusation of whitewashing to do what's effectively an act of erasure. You're really trying to argue that the anti-racist position is to see a viable analogy between hockey players in general and victims of colonialism??? Like, there are "connections" between Canadians in general and victims of colonialism... there are connections between Americans in general and victims of slavery... but boy is there a lot being conflated and unsaid in those generalizations. And added to the fact that hockey players are far whiter than the general population...

strictly from a werebeaver worldbuilding standpoint, the near extinction of the eurasian beaver could have sent european werebeaver (scandanavian, maybe?) tribes to the new world to escape the terrible depredations of their species.

And that would still be writing an AU version of real life history that centers Europeans as victims of colonialism. The idea of werebeavers being hunted is a creative twist on animal transformation! But... let's not intersect that with the history of colonialism.

AYRT

A real life eyewitness might have a personal problem with the werebeaver, but they're never going to be able to take it up the team chain, much less the government one. I just can't imagine that conversation being taken seriously at any level.

"I think we need to terminate Holtby's contract."
"Why?"
"He's a werebeaver."

I think someone trying to get proof of a werebeaver would run into issues that would likely get them locked up (or over-medicated) long before they got any proof, which probably wouldn't be believed anyway. They'd look like the principal in Ferris Bueller trying to catch him skipping.

1) How’d you get into Hockey RPF? It's something I've been dipping my toe in and out of since 2011 with that Sid/Ovi fic. Then I'd forget about it and something would remind me and I'd go back and read more.

2) How’d you get into hockey? I was into it as a kid/teen because everyone was. (I grew up in a market that isliterally 50% Leafs/50% Wings fans) As an adult, I got into via women's hockey at the Sochi Olympics, and then back into the NHL via Check Please and the fact that CWHL doesn't play as many games.

3) How long have you been coming to meme/how did you find it? Since maybe October? I found meme through the Sin Bin

4) Current Fave Team? Stars

5) Backup Fave Team? Hurricanes/Lightning

6) Anything else you want to add? Even in that 8ish year period of my life when I wasn't a hockey fan I still liked Sidney Crosby because he's only 6 months older than me, and I have an ex who I'm sure had a crush on him. I remember being absolutely worried about him during his concussion. Worried what it would be like to be potentially facing the end of a career at our age, and worried that teh hockey world was going to miss out on the best player. ( I went to a hockey fan high school and several of my teachers were coaches and they always talked highly of Crosby in the lock out year when he was still in Juniors)

ayrt

One person wouldn't be believed, but you're basically positing that if were-things were real, there would be absolutely no way for anyone to prove it. And I just don't think that's true. If something is real, then you can prove its existence. Especially if it's right in front of you, squirting water in its hair, which gives you a pretty concrete place to start.

AYRT

Well, then, you failed on multiple fronts.

It is not impossible for bad things to have happened in both reality and fiction, and for people to still realize they were bad. Since you decided you wanted to sit around and poke at the minutiae of the implications of a single comment that really wasn't that content-heavy, then yes, it'd obviously be the First Nations people, and as an extent current First Nations players, who would be the hunted werebeavers in this scenario. As you, I, and everyone else knows, this would still be a bad thing.

I did manage to that conclusion all by myself. Despite your obvious doubt, you're not the only person who knows the two aspects of Canadian history necessary to come to that conclusion. Historical fantasy may not be your thing, but your astonishment and judgment isn't necessary.

My "in general" was meant to differentiate the general discussion of werebeavers from those specifically talking about Crosby. Sorry for any confusion.

The problem isn't that bad things can't happen in both reality and fiction. My objection obviously isn't to historical fiction, it's to fiction that rewrites a real history so that its victims are now a different group of people, or include a different group of people. It's really fucking obvious you didn't actually mean First Nations players in your comment, which as you said yourself, was adding a non-content heavy "let's link this to the history of colonialism" about a general discussion that was definitely more clearly linked to white Canadians than it was to First Nations people (race wasn't specified, but the general group of hockey players is largely white, and the conversation sprang from a discussion of Crosby/Malkin). That shouldn't have to be something that is teased out in the "minutiae," because there's a huge difference between writing First Nations players into that story versus hockey players in general, and writing it with First Nations people (or at least POC who were also historically victimized in the process of colonialism) is the only way in which it's not terribly offensive.

I don't know why you feel the need to insult my knowledge of "two aspects" of Canadian history. The fact that I haven't chosen to write a dissertation in my comment has no bearing on the shittiness of yours. Honestly, if now you're saying "it'd obviously be the First Nations people," all you had to say is that now that you've actually given it some thought (obviously you hadn't if you call this sitting around poking at minutiae), you realize it this should be specifically about First Nations people, instead of this strawman, backpeddling bullshit where your critics just don't have the capacity of imagination to deal with the existence of historical fiction and "hockey players in general" is clearly supposed to be understood as "First Nations hockey players but not Crosby"... right... I'm not sure what "conclusion" you managed to come to all by yourself if you still haven't realized why it's gross to make race a "minutiae" in a fictional history of colonialism.

What if your love is secretly a dryad? O doomed, star-crossed romance!

DA

Crosby is the right kind of finicky to get really persistent and precise about dam building imo. Maybe he goes out on full moons and tries to dam Pittsburgh's rivers.

ayrt

I think you're failing to realize that I don't want to besmirch the good beaver name by associating such a noble keystone species with Crosby.

da

My "in general" was meant to differentiate the general discussion of werebeavers from those specifically talking about Crosby.

What does that have to do with the fact that you accused someone of "whitewashing" for not buying that there's a connection between "hockey players in general" and "victims of colonialism," as if once you specify you're not talking about Crosby, it's suddenly a thing that makes sense to say? You clearly weren't referring to or thinking about the First Nations people until someone pestered it out of you (as you pretty much admit yourself), so regardless of what conclusion you've now apparently reached, you did actually do what they accused you of, which is generalize a historically specific atrocity.

I know we're a minority here but I also know I can't be the only one. Who else plays (or wants to!)? Did you start recently or did you grow up playing?

I've been playing since I was 5~ but I haven't played much at all since I graduated which sucks cause I really miss having a team.

which is generalize a historically specific atrocity

For the sake of headcanoning a werebeaver AU, because that's part of the tradition of the "were-canon"!!

Just... LMAO. I already wasn't really planning on whatever defensive crap you spewed next, but just for the heck of it, I'm going to emphasize that you can't read my mind. You are putting words into my mouth to fit your argument.

You couldn't have known, and are wrong about, me "really fucking obvious"ly not giving any consideration to First Nations people. It is not backpedaling to say that I came to a similar conclusion about what werebeaver hunting would mean in colonial Canada. We could have agreed if you had decided on any other track than insulting my intelligence and assuming the absolute worst of my intentions at every opportunity (since, hey, I was talking myself actually knowing a thing or two, but it's not shocking at this point that you managed to turn that around). If you had said, "French colonialists hunting (were)beavers to near extinction could be an extension of the drain they put on First Nation lives and resources," or something Carey Price not feeling safe in Montreal, or anything at all that established this mutually reached conclusion, I could have said, "Yes, exactly!". But instead you appointed yourself a "critic" over a conversation partner, and decided to spend however many comments with your I'm-educating-a-racist-idiot glasses on while (at this point, I can only assume) deliberately building up things that were not meant.

So, really, really, you had no way of knowing my intention, and I'd say way you went around trying to figure it out the wrong way if I actually thought you had any interest in understanding me. It's still honestly baffling that you tried to say your replies were polite, or anything short of pure condescension.

Hockey players as a general population, which includes First Nations players, as opposed to hockey players named Sidney Crosby, which excludes First Nations players.

I called it whitewashing because I perceived their comment to be inherently excluding victims of colonization-First Nations peoples-from the hockey population, especially since there's a non-insignificant history of First Nations people playing hockey dating back to the time in question. I haven't come to any new conclusions by being pestered. Believe what you wish.

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#26 — Vanek! with a Jurco

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Hockey players of meme

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