#29 – Lay, Lie, or Laine?

[dekedangle_rpf_mod]

This is the twenty-ninth post of Deke Dangle RPF Anon, a community for all your ice hockey anon meme needs.

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Comments

Re: Fandom Venting

[(Anonymous)]

This is probably somewhat oversimplified, but I think part of it is that society tells you that "feminine" is a pretty constrained set of X things, whereas "masculine" is Y things, and society clearly values masculine over feminine, and Y things individually over X things. If you think about how media is marketed, women are expected to be interested in and identify with media about men, but media about women is "feminine," for women. So it might be easier for someone assigned female at birth who's comfortable having a very feminine gender presentation to nevertheless be extremely conscious of how they interact with gender and to get to the point where they want to say, "I'm non-binary, not a woman," than it might be for someone assigned male with a very masculine presentation to say the same thing.

Re: Fandom Venting

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

thank you for your swift and concise reply! that makes a lot of sense. i wonder how amab, masculine presenting people who have those same sorts of feelings but don't feel comfortable expressing it in that way regard themselves.

i think my lack of understanding (as in like comprehension not acceptance) is because i am just so stuck on the binary bc i feel so comfortable being cis that i can't really imagine what a third (or more) option would be? i probably just have to unequate masculine/man, feminine/woman and androgyny/somewhere in the middle. i just feel like im in math class again or something where its like 'yes i believe that this is the answer but no i don't understand the steps you took to get there'.

Re: Fandom Venting

[(Anonymous)]

i'm a cis woman, i have a friend who's non-binary, and basically i tend to treat non-binary and varying "it's complicated" IDs as "okay, i'm not going to get this entirely for roughly the same reasons i'm never going to know what it's like to be black (i'm white and look it), but that doesn't mean i can't learn enough to have SOME idea how it feels for people in those shoes and minimize the amount of uneducated and/or hurtful shit i say". (let's just say i've gotten better on at least trying to word stuff as inclusively as possible over the last few years, in particular.)

basically, it's entirely possible that you WON'T ever completely understand, but that doesn't make you a horrible human being or anything, it just means that this may be a thing you sort of have to take on faith. (i occasionally want to rant "GENDER (or lack thereof) DOES NOT EQUAL PRESENTATION" because people frequently conflate them, and they are *not the same*.)

(i suspect amab masculine-presenting people probably have their own set of issues, but i am SUPER non-qualified to talk about them and don't have any good links offhand that you couldn't google yourself.)