dekedangle_rpfanon | #24 – Not Sure If Serious or Playing Dumba

#24 – Not Sure If Serious or Playing Dumba

This is the twenty-fourth post of Deke Dangle RPF Anon, a community for all your ice hockey anon meme needs.

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There's been like three? Way better than the last Bennett spam.

SA

Forgot to add, these are all mostly Cup prompts. Beau had nothing to do with the Cup. There are so many other Penguins with better, more relevant Cup-related context to work with, I don't trust that somebody keeps going "Yes! This needs some Beau Bennett!" entirely in earnest when no one else in hockey is paying attention to him.

Whenever it happens I start coming up with conspiracy theories like how it's someone who hates A shoving them everywhere so that people get sick of seeing that pairing anywhere and everywhere and get angry and then there's this low grade "ugh those X shippers" and I cackle as my plan works.

I would laugh forever if the entirety of the fic output from this win was just long character studies of Beau staring off into the distance being sad near the cup or something.

Three days later and I'm still thinking about this stupid fucking fic, way more than any other bad but otherwise inoffensive fic deserves. Probably because it's so perfectly, exactly tailored to my dislikes and pet peeves and so disruptive of my fic expectations that it ended up feeling weirdly calculated and personal, like it's being bad at me. Maybe next time I will remember that you shouldn't disregard poor SPAG in the summary no matter how minor it seems or how much you like the tropes purportedly on offer.

http://espn.go.com/nba/story/_/id/16080927/how-draymond-green-kevin-love-wage-war-their-weight

This is about the NBA, but it has a lot of info regarding athlete nutrition/eating habits, which comes up here often enough that someone might find it interesting

What's wrong with the SPAG in the summary?

Nonny, I am sorry, but the fic is not a personal affront to you.

Also, poor SPAG? How? All I see is is that ellipses thing, which should be properly spaced. Is that what you mean?

We're so interested in badfic-style orthorexia and gross moral judgments about food that we now need more of it imported from a completely different sport?

They need to "breach" the subject. Maybe I'm being over generous with the term SPAG and it's not so much a technicality as the author just not knowing how to words good?

Or, like, we're interested in portraying athlete's health/diet well in our own fics. Or we're just interested, period.

Well, you're right, that should be "broach," but given that it's Clune, I'd be willing to buy it as characterization. (tbh I'd be willing to buy it as characterization for most hockey players.)

na

Yeah, I was just going to vent today how tired I am of the fic trope where guys know they shouldn't eat dessert because it's "not in the diet plan" but indulge anyway. Seeing that kind of "ohhh I'm so bad, I shouldn't" feels like seeing the screwed up cultural messaging women get superimposed on dudes who almost certainly don't feel that way, plus I don't just want to read it.

Oh, come the fuck on. If you think that was a deliberate characterization choice on the part of the author, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn you might like to buy.

My team fired their nutritionist because the guys got so fed up with not being allowed to eat "bad" food that it ruined their working relationship.

Which team?

The world 'breach' could be used that way, as in opening up. It's not even wrong, just not the most common phrasing.

This is beginning to feel like a round of Jeopardy. Is it the use of delicacy?

Sabres. I didn't remember quite right; he was a "director of player performance" and slow rehab times contributed to his firing, but trying to keep a bunch of dudes in Buffalo from eating pizza and wings while the visiting team dived right in did not go over well.

http://sabres.buffalonews.com/2016/03/20/sabres-notebook-director-of-player-performance-loses-his-job/

"I'll take Rustled Grammar Police for 500, Alex."

I'm wondering if it might be a n00b thing. Because I've read so many fucking fics featuring dressingless salads and reduced-salt cassava chips and one egg white omelets for about five years now and it's all all turned out to be directly contrary to actual articles about how hockey players (both generally and individually) eat, morally tied to players' seriousness about their sport, and (somehow! conveniently!) in line with the eating habits of a five foot tall women on a weight loss diet, all of which are things that fans here and elsewhere have pushed back on, so I can't understand how you could be around for any of that and feel like stories of an NBA player counting out each precious almond is a thing anyone ever needs in their life. How does Phil Kessel count out his ~forbidden~ hot dogs, one wonders.

Also, you make a great point about how, even if it were true, no one wants to fucking hear about it.

Definitely this. Though variations exist, like say Crosby thinking it because he knows he will eat all of it, ever, if he doesn't stop himself--I'd buy it, if I saw that, but clearly they haven't seen casual videos where the guys just inhale food or smaller guys mainlining sugar.

Hockey fandom has gone through a couple of phases on this. You don't see egg white omelettes and diet food like you used to, now that people better understand calorie requirements, but you still get the obnoxious self-shaming and "indulging." I get that it's people/women putting their own cultural programming onto their characters, plus it's just something to talk about in a fic besides "they ate a huge pile of chicken and pasta for dinner," but it's a lazy go-to for a lot of long-time writers (there was a recent offender) that's both inaccurate (dudes just eat junk or they don't IME, they don't angst about it) and also drags in all this stuff I don't want to see.

Oh, Crosby is one of the worst examples in fic. How many stories revolve around "tempting" him with cheesecake or chocolate? I was so pleased by that recent article that put it as "he doesn't deny himself"; I'd imagine his teammates tease him for having a sweet tooth, the way Toews's tease him for being borderline-orthorexic about "clean eating," but I'd imagine he gets the damn cheesecake without too much internal debate. It's yet another way so many feminine traits get put on that dude just because he has full lips and a big ass.

Too late for that. We already got a Sheary/Sullivan facial fic out of it.

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#24 – Not Sure If Serious or Playing Dumba

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